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    Oct 08

    In a revealing new Facebook survey from wedding website The Knot, almost half of the respondents said they would not mind paying for half of their own engagement ring. The results are somewhat surprising, and show how more and more people have changed their approach to getting married.

    46% of women said they would contribute, while 54% stuck with the more traditional view that the man should buy the ring.

    Does this signal a decline in the romantic view of the proposal? Or is it a reflection of our modern society, where women work, contribute to household expenses, and are considered equals.

    Sisters are Doing it for Themselves

    There was a time when most women came with a dowry. Not only was the bride’s father expected to pay for the wedding, but he in most cases arranged it, and also had to give the groom’s family a gift of cash, land, or livestock. Even when that practice faded, a man was expected to ask a woman’s father his permission before he asked her to wed.

    Now we live in more enlightened times. A woman has control of her own life, her own choices, and her own destiny. She doesn’t need the permission of her father or any other man to fall in love and get married.

    In that regard, this new survey makes sense. It means that more women are comfortable in taking control, even in things that traditionally were controlled by men. It was always the man’s job to find a ring and surprise her with it.

    But now more women are saying “Why shouldn’t I get the ring I want?” They will help select it, and help pay for it. It isn’t a matter of control, just a matter of getting the engagement ring they’ve always dreamed of.

    Is Chivalry Dead

    It is argued by some that a proposal is more than a piece of jewelry. That having the biggest, shiniest diamond is not what the moment is supposed to be about. For many, an engagement ring is an offering – a token of true love.

    When a man spends his hard earned money (however much money that may be) and selects a ring for his beloved, and then presents it to her on bended knee, it means something special. It’s a pledge of love, with a gift to prove it.

    Does the gesture mean more than the ring itself, or vice versa?

    If the hopeful fiancé can’t afford a big ring on his own, maybe he should recalibrate his expectations, and find a ring he can afford. There’s nothing wrong with starting out with a modest, affording ring, and then upgrading it at a later date (like an anniversary).

    If a woman contributes towards and helps pick her own ring, it does take some of the romance out of the occasion. But then again, everyone has their own definition of romantic.

    What do You Think?

    Of course, this isn’t an issue with a right or wrong answer. In love, and in jewelry, it’s always best to follow your heart.

    So where do you come down on this debate? Are you among the 46% that wouldn’t mind paying for half of your own ring? Or would you rather have your proposal be more traditional?


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